A Curated List of Objects Discovered in the Room On My Parents’ Property I was Allowed To Inhabit From Ages Eight Through Eighteen

  1. A Poster Of A Cow With A Che Guevara Hat On That Reads “Bovine Of The World Unite!” And Seems Very Insurrectionary but Which Is Actually Just An Ad For Organic Valley Milk Which My 10th Grade Biology Teacher Was Going To Throw Out But Let Me Keep Instead
  2. A Prop Deed I Made For A High School Theater Production Of “Beckett,” The Text For Which Is Really Just The Lyrics Of Bohemian Rhapsody Written Very Small
  3. A Pamphlet on Anxiety Written In Japanese With Helpful Cartoons I Picked Up In The Weird Doctor’s Office Where I Got My Shots For A Trip To Africa
  4. A Box Of Candy “Armadillo Eggs” I Bought In Texas That I’m Pretty Sure Were Just Jelly Beans
  5. Part Of One Of Those Seasonal Window Gel Sets Which Used To Say “You’re Sweet” That Now Just Says “You,” Placed On My Bathroom Mirror Because It Is True
  6. A Monkey Made Of Crystal I Won Off Of My Dad In A Bet When I Was 13
  7. A Set Of Juggling Clubs My Dad Gave Me For Christmas One Year, No Doubt In An Attempt To Fan The Flames of An Eventuality Wherein I Would Run Off To The Circus Rather Than Attend An Expensive Liberal Arts School
  8. A Robotic Pterodactyl That Makes Sounds When You Touch Its Tongue I Bought From Target Because It Made Me Feel A Little Like I Was In The Jurassic Park Attraction At Universal Studios Orlando
  9. A Nullified Envelope Simply Addressed To “Rugs” I Got From An Antique Store That Was Selling Old Used Envelopes For 25c A Piece

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